DC On The Fly

Daniel Delaney of On The Fly pointed me at his video coverage of a DC Food Truck. On The Fly's videos focus on street food. I'd be happy to recommend some street food in NYC and DC if Daniel is interested. Pupatella and Pedro and Vinny's come to mind. :)

In On The Fly's Words:

"We ventured to Obamaland to visit On The Fly, a brand new mobile vending outfit which is easily the most green around. From the plug in cars to their hard wired ovens, On the Fly operates an entirely electric operation. And their food, all locally grown and produced. Now that's Eco-Vending!"

What Going Green has to say:

"When I first heard about SmartKarts from one of On the Fly's founders late one night at a dive bar on U Street, I was intrigued. Here's the deal: SmartKarts are funky looking, zero-emission electric trucks where you can buy locally sourced food (to cut back on those nasty carbon emissions). The company says they also try to stick to organically farmed, chemical-free food whenever possible."

When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Pirate...No...A Chef!

A year ago I wrote about local belt designer/crafter Jon Wye's waffle buckle. Jon has done it again - not only does he still produce waffle, coffee cup, and cherry pie buckles, but he is now appealing to the inner ship's cook in you with pirate chef wear.

His pirate chef designs include the t-shirt, apron, and brand new belt. Click on the link to the belt for a DCFUD preview price of $55 instead of the regular $65, which it will be soon.

He displays his wares at various events including the upcoming, "BowWow PowWow" in Adam's Morgan. It's mostly catered for dogs, but he will have most of his human stuff as well. :)

BowWow PowWow
Sunday April 26, 2009 from 11:00am - 5:00pm
Marie Reed Elementary School
1830 Connecticut Ave.
Washington, D.C., District of Columbia 20009

The Five Paragraph Bitter Food Critic is Scared Amongst the Bargains

A decade ago, I dated a woman who worked as a grocery store consultant. She specialized in creating traffic flow through product layout and visual displays. I practically grew up in the grocery store my grandmother owned south of Annapolis, stocking the shelves for pocket money as a child, and managing inventory and the finances as an adult when her health faded. I thought I knew a lot about the grocery business, but I got a crash course in Grocery Store 101 from this consultant. Ever notice how the produce section uses lots of wood paneling and angled shelves? That's to give the customer the idea that the fruits and vegetables are "fresh from the farm," like they had been packed and shipped that very day. Colorful apples and oranges always get a prime location because they're eye-catching, while the lowly brown potato is regulated to back-of-the-aisle status. The meat section is the same way - higher-priced red meat is displayed prominently in front near the butcher's department, while lower-priced and less-colorful chicken is placed down the row 20 feet away. Seafood often gets its own corner section, as the mark-up on fresh fish and local crab meat is too much of a profit driver to just place haphazardly in the store. These little Jedi mind tricks are part of the subtle ways grocery chains subliminally herd you through the store. The consultant stressed the importance of initial visual impact - to make the store look appealing as soon as you walk in the door. High-end retailers like Harris-Teeter and Wegmans show either their incredibly sumptuous prepared-foods section or their diverse produce section right up front. Whole Foods and Trader Joe's can lead off with their wholesome baked goods or some special exotic food. Lots of new and refurbished Giants and Safeways entice customers with Starbucks locations as you enter. Newer locations of Shoppers like to start off with a large, colorful display of deeply-discounted products, thus proving to their value to the customer.

Then, there's Bottom Dollar Food. They don't have time for all that noise. They just leave a big ole' mess of cardboard right up front. See, Bottom Dollar is all about saving the consumer as much money as possible, so you can either pay a couple of cents for grocery bags, or use the free cardboard boxes. Sturdy boxes used to ship bottled water go quickly, while the small squares used to transport salt shakers are left to wallow. Some of the Bottom Dollar faithful bring their own. Either way, the boxes come in handy to haul away some pretty good deals. Prices are generally quite low - 2 liters of soda are half the price than the neighboring Giant. Fresh meats are about 15% per pound cheaper than their competitors. Produce is about 20% cheaper than the nearby Safeway.

Bottom Dollar is part of the Food Lion family, just like Bloom, which I reviewed in 2007. Unlike Bloom, Bottom Dollar doesn't try to hide its association with the parent company. They proudly sell Food Lion products as the generic options to the big brand names. Also, they don't have near the product diversity or the dutifully restocked shelves like Bloom. It's somewhat strange to see relatively thin inventories in an American grocery store, but that's the case at Bottom Dollar. You won't feel crowded or overwhelmed by the selection. Still, I got a large box of Honey Comb for $2.56 and a pound of frozen Alaskan pollack for $1.99 - about 33% cheaper than other stores.

However, I doubt I'll make regular trips to Bottom Dollar, and it has nothing to do with the products or the prices. It's the attitude. It breeds weirdness. The store is somewhat overly-lit, and their love of day-glo orange and green paint conjures up memories of the washed-out 1970s, and not the fun, coked-out 1970s, either, but of ugly station wagons with wood paneling. There's no background music playing, either - at least, not in any of my trips there so far - and there's something eerie about an almost silent grocery store. It's like the Centralia of shopping.

And, much like the few folks who remain in Centralia, frankly, the natives freak me out. This weekend, a married couple shopped with a Nextel dangling from a lanyard around the wife's neck, pulling double duty as a necklace and a phone. Their conversation with an offspring echoed and chirped throughout the frozen food aisle. And, while I'm thinking of it ...

Hey, Sprint, you want to know why you're taking a beating in the cell phone market? Because you purchased Nextel - THE MOST OBNOXIOUS CELL PHONE EVER! Nextels were cool for like a hot minute in 2000. Those "What if...?" commercials where firefighters run Congress and the delivery people run schools with their Nextels are only slightly less annoying than the new Comcast commercials with the weird monotone singing, bad acid flashback graphics and "The Sims"-like background. And, while I'm thinking of it - Hey, Comcast, I'm glad to see the outrageous amount of money I paid for basic digital cable and internet access for three years went to a good cause, like making THE MOST OBNOXIOUS CABLE COMMERCIAL EVER. I am now a proud FiOS customer, and I pay a lot less to have HD channels *included*, better channel selection, plus much faster internet access, and a lot more reliable service. For the record, the FiOS Guy/Cable Guy commercials are kind of funny. Learn from them, Comcast. Entertain potential customers, not make them think they drank tainted Flavor-Aid.

...sorry, I blacked out there for a second. Anyway, another customer, a man in his mid-50s, I suppose, was buying individual servings of frozen yogurt. Nothing odd about that normally, except this man was buying *A LOT* of yogurt. Like, an entire shelf of it. Like, even Jamie Lee Curtis couldn't eat that much yogurt. I estimated about 50 cups in his grocery cart as I walked past, and I watched him pull another 30 or so cups before the Nextel-couple asked him what he was going to do with all that yogurt. His reply was hardly as sinister as I hoped - "it's good for you!" - and yes, indeed he did intend to eat all that yogurt. The Nextel husband commented later to me in the checkout line that this stuff happens all the time at "Bottom Loser." Much like The Replacements, ironically, I can't hardly wait.

*********************************************************************************************
Bottom Dollar Foods gets 20 Whammies! out of a possible 25. I saved nearly 25% on my grocery bill at Bottom Dollar as opposed to similar trips to Safeway or Harris Teeter. However, I subtracted 2 Whammies! for the freaky Nextel couple, 1 Whammy! for the freaky yogurt guy, and two Whammies! for making me forage through the cardboard box dump to cart off my purchases. Shoppers used to do the same thing until they realized how ghetto that made them look. Take heed, Bottom Dollar...but, man, I do love cheap Honey Comb.
*********************************************************************************************

Bottom Dollar Foods
13 locations between Frederick and Fredericksburg.

Penance for cupcake raving...

Many people are sensitive to gluten, and I know I make them flinch when I rave about Hello Cupcake's Maya, a chocolate cupcake covered in silky dark chocolate frosting that leave's the lingering spicy taste of hot peppers on your tongue. Yum.

So, let's explore Lilit Cafe (its more of a deli, really) in Bethesda; its gluten free menu is located here.

To quote their website:

Gluten-Free Desserts sold at Lilit Café are specially created by an award winning Gluten-Free Bakery called the Sweet Sin Bakery. Gluten-Free Desserts made by Sweet Sin Bakery are specially created by Pastry Chef Renée D'souza, who herself is gluten-intolerant. Renée's love for desserts and her passion for making desserts combined to form the Sweet Sin Bakery in 2005." i do remember seeing a large Key Lime Tart that looked quite appealing."

They did seem to have a good variety of other gluten free packaged goods as well.

I do expect one of you gluten free connosoirs to report back to us (at dcfud.writers@dcfud.com), giving us the scoop on whether or not the the baked goods are tasty.

Lilit Café
7921 Old Georgetown Road,
Bethesda, MD 20814
(301) 654.5454

http://www.lilitcafe.com/gluten.htm

Köttbullar and other observations

By Guest Blogger: Andrew Kohn

Much has been written about the now infamous Köttbullar, known to many as simply the IKEA Swedish meatball. Both chewy and light, these little balls are smothered in a brown cream sauce and served with potatoes and a generous glop of lingonberry preserves. Loved by many, hated by some, these meatballs are frozen and can be purchased at the College Park IKEA in Maryland - a classier option than sneaking in Tupperware and packing them up from the very American high school-like cafeteria located on the second floor. For those of you with the true Swedish spirit, however, pop in a CD by The Hives (ABBA may prove too overwhelming), roll up your H&M sleeves, and dive headfirst into the original recipe. (Be warned that a serving of these little beasties (6) is 210 calories and contain 13 grams of fat - 5 of which are saturated. In the cafeteria, a regular meatball meal sees 15 spooned onto your plate.)

I've heard of people who will drive to IKEA first for these meatballs and second for the furniture. These are the same people who can tell me that Wednesday is rib night (a Scandinavian recipe?) and that it gets crowded quickly so one should get there early. I can't help but wonder, no matter how delicious they are, if these meatballs are a true representation of Swedish food or just Scandinavian-style fast food. Have we bought into the concept of genuineness because it's foreign and cheap or because they are, in fact, really good representations of the food? Probably, in the end, it's a little of both.

Next time I'm in the area, however, and looking to add to my ever-expanding cheap wine glass collection or searching for the elusive EKTORP, I think maybe I'll stop by one of the many pupuserias I pass along the way and save the meatballs for another day. Because when all is said and done, there is no Sven or Helga spooning these delights from the steam tray and not one sign of the reindeer or herring munched on daily from Stockholm to Santa's Shack. There are plenty of international foods in our region hand-made by those immigrants who now call our nation home. Let us dare to drop the frozen import from our fork and instead pick-up the fresh creation of a chef who prepares his meals from scratch on a daily basis.

Now don't get me wrong, I dare not suggest a boycott of the Swedish meatball - cocktail parties and IKEAS the world over would be less without them. But as we chase these delights down with a swig of lingonberry soda, let us not forget there is a world full of culinary surprises that extends well beyond those cardboard covered aisles. And who knows, if you explore a little, you may even discover a new aesthetic for your home in the process!

FREE Ben & Jerry's on Election Day!

Once again we have Facebook to thank for informing us of an upcoming freebie...FREE Ben & Jerry's on Election Day!

This event is 5:00 - 8:00 pm on Nov 4, 2008 at Participating Ben & Jerry's Scoop Shops!

"Voting never tasted so sweet."

Wasabi-Ginger WHAT? (yes, please...)

I love wasabi. I love ginger. Each of these things alone are enough to pique my interest, and their combination almost always delivers agreeably. I recently made wasabi-ginger beef (marinate sukiyaki-cut beef in mirin, wasabi, and ginger for an hour, then fry in same), and am forever dumping wasabi and/or ginger on things just to brighten them up.

I'm a big fan of ginger ice cream, and I did in fact like wasabi ice cream the one time I found it. Consequently you might imagine my joy at discovering these: Wasabi-ginger Lollipops. Expensive? Yes. Perhaps unreasonably, except for the fact that they are wasabi-ginger lollipops.

Sharp and not too sweet, I admit I'd have liked a bit more wasabi flavor (as opposed to heat), but I wouldn't not gobble them up. If, for instance, someone deigned to send me a box.

Texas, NASA, and Bhutan...the new combo!

This year, the Smithsonian Folklife Festival's themes are Bhutan, NASA, and Texas.

The festival is on right now now through Sunday and 7/2-7/6. The Smithsonian website describes this year's themes:

"Bhutan: Land of the Thunder Dragon
Celebrating Bhutan's special approach towards life in the 21st century

Texas: A Celebration of Music, Food, and Wine
Exploring a dynamic and creative society, built upon rich natural resources, thriving cosmopolitan cities and engaging rural landscapes"

On the food side:

Texas:
"...see demonstrations of wine making; enjoy diverse culinary traditions, old and new, from barbeque to Vietnamese soups, from kolach making to chicken fried steak."

Bhutan:

"Since the Festival is intended to be as experiential as possible, cooking demonstrations and conversations about Bhutanese foodways will also take place. This is an important aspect of contemporary culture and gives insight into home and farm life."

Nasa will have a "food lab" covering topics such as creating menus for space, packaging food for space, and planning for the moon and mars.

They will only be be selling food from two of the three exhibit areas. NASA is the exception, so don't expect any Space Food. Freeze-dried icecream or Orange Tang, anyone?

Click here for the Festival Menu! This year's food vendors are Indique Hieghts, Capital Q, La Mexicana Bakery, and Asian Grille. This sure sounds good:

Nakey Tshoem
Chicken (shredded), fiddleheads, cheese, chiles, onion, garlic, ginger, and special seasonings served with Bhutanese rice.

Photoshop Failure #1

Thanks to Photoshop Diasters for this one...

There's something fishy about this picture...not quite sure if I can put my finger on it...

I have to wonder what this tastes like. I'm guessing either exactly like Special K or Honey Bunches of Oats. Possibly even a combination of the drippings of the scores of hefty women who work out there mixed with desperation and bad body images.

It's sweatastic!

Baskin-Robbins 31 Cent Scoop Night!

From Baskin Robbins' Facebook:

Mark your calendars, 31 Cent Scoop Night is back at Baskin-Robbins for the 2nd year!

For full event details or to set-up a reminder for the event, check out www.baskinrobbins.com/31cent.

Pour some syrup on me!

I've met Jon Wye many times over the last couple of years at DC area street festivals, where he sells his crafted belts and buckles. He is friendly and fun to talk to. I recently found a sticker with his website address around my place, and revisited the site. He has some great food-related items!

I am drawn to the Waffle, Coffee, Cherry Pie, and Rooster (aka C*ck) buckles. The latter reminds me of Sriracha Hot Sauce, which I've heard referred to as "red hot c*ck sauce" by a friend of mine in Seattle, and yeah, she did have a bit of a potty mouth.

The Homemaker belt seems like a good match for the pie, coffee, and waffle buckles, and the Farmer Boy belt seems like good match for the rooster, waffle, and pie buckles, but solid color belts would work as well.

Jon has a way with describing his items:

"Waffle belt buckle with two pats of butter. For men or women who wish they could pour syrup on their crotch all day long but are prevented by social convention."

Natalia's Elegant Creations Update

I want to thank DCFUD reader, Gary, for this comment to my article about
Natalia's Elegant Creations:

I just wanted to give a shout-out to
Natalia's Elegant Creations new location in Falls Church. I'm vegan and I like rich, flavorful, fresh-baked desserts. Before Natalia's, basically my only two choices were make them myself or schlep over to Sticky Fingers in Columbia Heights.

-Gary

Atlanta's Coffee Deficit

For me, a good coffee shop or sidewalk café is key to living happily: a comfortable spot to get caffeinated, to read, work, and meet people, preferably with good (by which I mean impressively bad) art-for-sale on the walls and enough traffic (inside and out) for good people watching. New Orleans’ Café du Monde is pretty much the ultimate example in my mind, though DC’s L’Enfant does pretty well. Atlanta’s café selection is, unfortunately, a study in disunity.

The coffee at San Francisco Coffee Roasting Co. in Virginia Highlands is really good - rich, hot, and not all burned like it’s been there too long or has been over-roasted to generic Starbucksness - but that thing on my plate was not a scone, by any definition. It was a biscuit which, in addition to overcooking it, someone has shoved a great deal of refined sugar and a small handful of sulfury currants. It’s mostly too dark in the large, otherwise comfortable shop to read happily, but the jazz standards, while uninspired and generic, are piped in at a volume which allows enjoyment but does not interfere with conversation. The patio out back is small and fine enough, except the view is of a parking lot. My large iced coffee was about $2.00.

Decatur’s Java Monkey has a few comfy chairs, some slightly awkward bar and counter seating, and lots of tables that could do with some de-wobblifying. It also has the nicest patio of anyplace I’ve been down here. The coffee’s pretty good - all fair-trade and often organic for those in to such things - and the food is on the better side, with tasty paninis and fair hummus and tapenade. They also have wine and beer, which helps. The people-watching is pretty good here, as is the eavesdropping. The downside, which keeps me from Java Monkey rather more than I’d like, is that every night seems to be open mic night.

I’m all for supporting local artists and such, but there is only so amateur slam poetry one’s mind can handle. The same would go, I suppose, for professional slam poetry, should such a horror exist. Plus, open mic night is LOUD: it’s not the cheering or the moderate extra crowd, but the bloody mic is turned up all the way and the performers (especially, but not exclusively, the slam poets) tend to shout. This makes working, reading, and often conversing rather impossible.

Outwrite has geography, and books. The coffee is atrocious, but the tea is pretty good and enough sugar makes the espresso passable, so it’s easy to maintain your buzz while watching the scenery strut down 10th street. Seating is limited inside, but enough of the patrons are sufficiently friendly that sharing tables is a norm, which is helpful not only in comfort but also in learning all about that hot blonde walking by on the arm of a much older (and…homelier…) gentle(?)man. Sadly, outdoor seating is a no-go: the ‘patio’ is a nine-by-four-foot deck occupied by dedicated smokers and those willing to shout over the too-loud music. Inside, the music isn’t too loud, but it is often crap.

Finally: the Majestic. Not a coffeeshop but a diner, with crap coffee and greasy food and all manner of sketchiness, it’s comfortable enough for late night reading or to take that cute boy who’s been chatting you up for the last four hours at Outwrite, after that’s closed and you’re not ready to say goodnight just yet. It’s open after midnight, as so few Atlanta institutions are.

Java Monkey’s great during times when it’s not a performance space, but Outwrite is my favorite for sitting and reading and for socializing (plus it’s a bookstore, which adds a certain something of its own), and San Francisco is just a walk-by for good coffee. If Atlanta wants to grow into a proper city, it’s going to need a few (or a few dozen) proper independent coffeeshops/cafés, or at least some better-appointed Caribou Coffees or (shudder to think) Starbuxae.

My demands: a large (but not sprawling, Atlanta has enough of that) place, preferably with a nice patio, better-than-Starbucks (or, ideall, actually good) coffee, good snacks/food, and free Wifi. Books and magazines would be nice too - and I mean books, not bestsellers, and magazines that are less than 25% ads, not just Cosmo. Oh, and it should be open well past midnight.

San Francisco Coffee Roasting Co.
1192 N Highland Ave
Atlanta, GA 30306

Java Monkey
205 E Ponce De Leon Ave # 5
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 378-5002

Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse
991 Piedmont Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30309
Tel: 404-607-0082

The Majestic Diner
1031 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, GA
30306-4215
Phone: (404) 875-0276

The Internet Makes Me Hungry

Seriously. The printers were down at my work today, which pretty much meant I had nothing to do; so I was surfing the internet. And I found many magical things, many horrible things, and many things that really looked delicious. One in particular, but I think my current vague attempt at a diet may also contribute to how strongly it appeals to me.

Chuao Chocolatier's ChocoPod Picante. I mean, seriously: chocolate, Cabernet, caramel, and chilies...yes please! Sadly, I am currently short one (or more) wealthy benefactor(s) who would buy me such delicacies (that whole make a billion dollars as a public health researcher plan has *so* not panned out). Has anyone tried them? Does anyone want to fly me out to California so I can try them in their native habitat?

The Five Paragraph Bitter Food Critic Came In, Shopped Happy-ish

Come in, shop happy! After spending the past few weeks trying to get their too-catchy-to-be-ignored, too-kitchy-to-be-respected reworking of the Partridge Family's "Come On, Get Happy" removed from my conscious, I finally broke down and went into a Bloom grocery store. Since it was Mother's Day, it only seemed fitting for the Five Paragraph Bitter Food Mother to tag along as well. After a relaxing day of pancakes in Rockville and coffee in Frederick, we spotted a couple of Blooms, and the two of us went in to see if the most annoying commercial song since "Empire Today" was worth the pain. We didn't see any choreographed dancers, and no background music, but we did find a lot to like about the store.

From the folks who brought you Food Lion, Bloom's goal is to concentrate on freshness, offering an easy-to-shop, upscale layout. To call Bloom upscale, though, is a bit of a misnomer - this is not even close to the gourmet mass of Wegman's, or the organic sensibilities of Whole Foods - though it is better looking and better stocked than parent Food Lion. The store offers a good-sized prepared foods section for the busy shopper on the go. The basics - chicken, ribs, cold cut sandwiches, mac & cheese - are next to the more sophisticated - paninis, salads, sushi - are all displayed next to a nice, if not spectacular, deli. The bakery is loaded with surprises, featuring dozens of muffins, breads, cookies, no-bakes and fudges. The 5PBFM was shocked to see potato candy, a beloved fixture of her youth, made fresh in the store.

The produce section shines with a dazzling array of vegetables and fruits, many from local suppliers, arranged in well-labeled bins. Nearly a dozen different types of apples sit near such oddities like brocoflour, and a mix-and-match area of chili peppers. The whole produce area is washed in a Rainforest Cafe'- inspired environment. The walls shimmer with lighting effects, and small speakers pipe in the sounds of nature. It's supposed to give the effect of getting the produce straight from the farm, but the constant sound and impression of water just triggered my bladder response. Wisely, there's a clean restroom right around the corner. Apparently, I'm not the only one susceptible to such stimuli.

The meat section was pretty typical, with prices about 80% of Harris-Teeter, 90% of what Giant and Safeway offers, and roughly the same as Shopper's and Magruders. The seafood section was nicely stocked, again at 90% of Giant and Safeway prices, but with a higher quality and better selection than the typical Shopper's. The wine and beer sections were quite large, with special end-caps for local vineyards and breweries - apparently Bloom is trying to be a good corporate neighbor. The international sections were solid, and the baking supplies section showed their Southern roots with all sorts of fillings, chips, glazes and sweeteners. The spice section was as loaded as any store I've seen, and barbecue fans will love the range of sauces, rubs and supplies.

Basically, Bloom is a cleaner, newer Food Lion. It has some great touches - portable price scanners, online shopping lists, hand sanitizers for the grocery carts, recipe stations - that other stores will no doubt incorporate. Those who view Club Discount Cards like John Goodman views salad will like Bloom's lack of of them. Buy One, Get One Free discounts and savings are open to all shoppers. The store has some drawbacks, though. The low aisle height makes the bellowing of screaming children reverberate in the store like The Three Tenors in a shower stall. In an odd design twist, the store aisles are mostly run north-south, and then several turn 90 degrees, creating plenty of hot cart-on-cart collisions. Plus, Bloom seems to view The Beltway as its 38th Parallel, refusing to enter the urban landscape as the closest stores are in Rockville, Accoceek, Laurel, Fairfax and Chantilly. However, given the amount of advertising they're spending on the market, I can't imagine it won't be much longer before those of us inside 495 will be wandering the aisles, trying to get that damned song out of our collective head. Come in, shop happy... *grumble*

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Bloom earns 7 out of 10 possible Whammies!; a solidly above-average score for being a solidly above-average grocery store. It's clean, reasonably priced, great produce section, and it's got some nice consumer touches. It's also not nearly as upscale as its marketing would lead you to believe, and it doesn't have the large amount of loss leaders that smart shoppers know to target. It's not worth the drive like a Wegman's or a sweaty Metro haul like Whole Foods, but it's definitely a nice touch for our ex-urban neighbors, and should provide a real challenge to established chains like Safeway and Giant in the region.
*********************************************************************************************************

Eastern Market Ravaged by Fire

The historic Capitol Hill market and gathering place Eastern Market was severely damaged by fire early this morning. Nobody was injured, but all of the vendor space - the butcher, seafood, bread, snack shops - are all destroyed. At this point, the fire department and police are investigating the blaze as possible arson.

Here are links to coverage from the Post and Mark Fisher commentary. Here's a quick story and pictures from DCist. A picture slideshow from NBC4 shows the firefighters in action.

While Mayor Adrian Fenty is vowing to repair the damage quickly, and Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton is requesting Federal dollars to help, the immediate question for the community is what will happen to the vendors and surrounding businesses who make a large portion of income from the foot traffic generated by the market? Where will they be placed? How quickly can they (or are they even willing) to rebuild? Mayor Fenty says he'll get them new spaces, which is admirable...and also eerily similar to what the City of Annapolis told the vendors of the historic Market House when that building was flooded by Hurricane Isabel in 2003. Much like Eastern Market, the City-owned Market House was mostly full of locally-owned tenants - a couple of sandwich shops, seafood, bakery, produce, pizza, cheeses - a favorite of locals and tourists alike, and the building practically dripped with history. It was the worst-kept secret that the Annapolis City Council and Mayor Ellen Moyer had offered up the Market House to high-end grocery store Dean and Deluca before the hurricane, and the subsequent flood damage merely heightened the rumors and animosity between the tenants and the Council. The existing tenants were still wringing out their flooded inventories when they were booted out by the City, many closing family businesses that had existed for decades.

After a long, drawn-out leasing battle with the Annapolis City Council and Mayor, Dean and Deluca pulled out. While no official explanation came from Dean and Deluca, it became a black eye for the City to have such historic, highly valuable real estate essentially vacant during the prime tourist season and annual boat shows.

It doesn't take an advanced degree in Urban Planning or Macroeconomic Theory to know that Eastern Market is sitting in a similar prime real estate area. Metro access, established neighborhood, nearby parking, mere steps to the Capitol - every chain in America itching to enter the D.C. market would want that. It will be Fenty and the City Council's job to heed the lessons learned from the bitter romance and divorce in Annapolis, that a well-heeled suitor is not always the best choice for marriage.

Everyone wants some chunky monkey!

Ben & Jerry's is giving away free ice cream today from 12pm until 8pm at participating scoop shops. Click here to find a participating scoop shop near you. The link was down, so I called a shop to verify the deal. It is on, at least for this shop:

Ben & Jerry's
5612 Connecticut Avenue Northwest, Washington, DC 20015
(202) 237-0569

If I keep this up, I'll be the chunky monkey!

Whatever Happened to Decadent Tooth Decay in Del Ray Pt. 2?

A few months ago, I set out to chronicle the ways in which Alexandria's charming Del Ray neighborhood can rot your teeth and ruin your diet. An eating tour of Del Ray is a delicious invitation to gain weight and keep your dentist's kids in private school. There's so many fun little eateries in the neighborhood that I felt compelled to break the article into two parts, thereby giving it a more proper review. Part one would be the places I know best, and then after a careful sampling of other places in the area, I was going to write part two.

One small problem with that idea - while my teeth are fine, my diet was ruined. I gained over 15 pounds since I started writing Part II. And those were not "happy pounds" either. Angry, vicious pounds - more bitter than a jilted bride on Valentine's Day and colder than a divorce attorney. I felt Morgan Spurlock's pain. Being a FUD writer Super-Sized Me. I drew a line in the sand a few weeks ago and vowed to be more Dave Matthews than Dave Thomas or Dave Thomas.

In the past year, I've learned 10 unassailable facts about FUD in DC :

1) Del Ray really CAN tack on the pounds, plus the Dairy Godmother is serving Tiramisu AND Thin Mint Cookie custards this month. Courage, my friends.

2) When reviewing beers, candy bars and chili, always mix in a salad. Preferably not fruit salad from a can. And, preferably, not the can too.

3) Don't go to Wegman's when you're hungry. You'll end up with a cart full of food that you don't remember placing in the cart and have no idea how to pronounce. Then you'll drive home for the next hour wondering what in the hell just happened.

4) Don't go to Harris-Teeter when you're hungry. You'll end up with overpriced foods and no idea how to pay for it. Only supermarket I've ever been to that should offer financing and layaway. "Just three more payments and that soymilk is all mine!"

5) The large anything (burger, phở, beverage) may only be a dollar more than the small, but the small will do. Some phở places sell Extra-Large sizes - how can anybody finish one of those and not end up in a food coma?

6) That exercise thing...kinda important. Ever notice how many WSC and Sport & Health Clubs are near supermarkets? If Curves keeps it up, there'll be one in every supermarket.

7) Cakelove's butter cakes need to be brought up to room temperature before serving properly. Don't eat a dozen cupcakes while you're waiting.

8) Every one of those "Limited Edition" candy bars at CVS - meh. Not nearly as good as you'd expect, except the marshmallow Reese's and the Malt and Espresso Kit-Kats. Otherwise...meh. The white chocolates taste like wax and the caramels always seem off somehow. No need to try them - if they were any good, they wouldn't be "Limited Editions" but "Always Available."

9) Latin and Asian markets offer lower prices on meats and veggies and often with better variety. They may not have those bonus club cards, but the staples of a healthy diet are much more affordable. Giant and Soviet Safeway, take heed.

10) You know those people who bring donuts and cakes into the workplace? They secretly hate all their coworkers. They actually wanted a donut themselves, but assuage the guilt by bringing in 11 other sugarbombs to make everybody else fat and lethargic.

So, as I'm sticking to exercise, watercress and protein-shakes, I've been avoiding my normal calorie-rich fare. Regular exercise and a more moderate diet has brought me back down to a more comfortable weight.

I apologize in advance to any reader who lived vicariously through my gluttony, and to any establishment that might notice a sudden downturn in sales. Trust me, I miss you too.

Grand Mart, the name says it all.

Grand Mart is not exactly Chinatown, but the sights and sounds of the Asian supermarket give you a flavor of the things you're missing by shopping at Giant or Safeway. It has such a large agora of fruits and vegetables that I don't know where to start. For example, Grand Mart sells something called daikon at 59 cents a pound. I'd never heard of daikon, but according to a Wikopedia daikon literally means "white carrot" and is a mild-flavored giant white radish. Other spectacles at Grand Mart include dandelion at 99 cents a pound and chicory, which runs at $1.29 a pound. Yellow peaches were 79 cents a pound and not over-ripe, like I sometimes see at your average DC area market. The Asian market also has five types of mushrooms, some of which remind me of that part of Lord of the Rings when Frodo Baggins and company happen upon a large fungi jungle. I wouldn't touch mushrooms with a 10-foot pole but they run around $1.50 a pound, depending on the type you happen to buy. Asparagus are still expensive: $4.29 a pound.

I'm a Connecticut Yankee so I'm used to getting fresh green and red peppers from the local supermarket. I've had a hard time finding that in Arlington, Va. No problems at Grand Mart, and it's cheap too. Green peppers were 59 cents a pound. Red peppers were 99 cents a pound. And they’re fresh.

Though I love Indian food, I wasn't impressed with the Asian market's Indian section. It had a lot of spices but not the canned delicacies you find in Giant at prices that make you say "Oh my God ... I'm going to need to take out a second mortgage to afford these samosas." Nevertheless, I was pleased with Grand Mart's alcohol section. Instead of just wines and beers, it also had a whole shelf of sake. At $5.99 I got a bottle of sake called Bek Se Ju. I don't know what it is but I'm eager to try it out.

Grand Mart does have its drawbacks though. Most of the staff doesn’t speak English well. I got by using Spanish with some of the stock staff. But that didn't help me with most of the rest, whose native tongues are languages like Japanese, Chinese and Korean, who had a hard time understanding what I wanted when I asked for ginger ale. I eventually found it after asking the only English-speaker on the staff I could find.

You'll also be out of luck finding some basic things that Americans can't get by with. They don't sell Liquid Drano. I don't think they have veggie burgers either. But with the high quality beef, chicken and other meats they offer you hardly need veggie burgers. Unless, of course, you're a vegetarian. If you are, you'll just have to go to Giant for that.

Grand Mart is located at 6326 Arlington Boulevard in Falls Church, at the corner of Route 7 and Route 50. It's not near a metro so if you don't have a car, find a friend to drive you. I'm saving $60 a month and getting fresher produce by going to Grand Mart. You'll be glad you went too.

This post is by Guest Blogger Jay D. Krasnow from www.hyperactivestyle.com.
Thanks Jay!

R.I.P. Eatzi's

One less reason to chug up Wisconsin Avenue in Rockville - convenient gourmet food and wine shop Eatzi's is closing its doors with little-to-no-warning, just in time to ruin many a Thanksgiving dinner. Today might be the last day the charming place north of White Flint Mall has left, as management and staff were notified of the closure yesterday.

I'm sure there will be more to this story, and hopefully the displaced staff can find work at other local markets - though Eatzi's relative convenience to Metro rail and bus routes will be hard to replace.

Geez, former Eatzi's folks....happy holidays? Good luck in getting new gigs.

World Market's 40% off Coupon

Just in case some of you are fans of World Market, I’d like to mention that they have a 40% off coupon which is valid through the 7th, and is in store only. It is for one regular priced item, including gourmet food, and excludes alcohol, furniture, or gift cards. I have on occasion found some good gourmet items at World Market’s Pentagon Row location, and I know that there are a good number of locations in the area.

Decadent Tooth Decay in Del Ray, Part One

Not to get all Andy Rooney on you, but, didja ever notice how some neighborhoods seem hell-bent on making you fatter? The Del Ray neighborhood in Alexandria is one of those enclaves where the chocolate drowns and the sweets chase your blues away. This place is so devoted to making us chubby, I have to make this a two-part series.

You can start your own personal Tour Du Pudge at The Dairy Godmother, formerly known as the Del Ray Dreamery or That Custard Place in Del Ray. Though the name has changed, the incredibly high-quality goodies have not. This charming place offers all sorts of frozen and baked snacks, such as a variety of sorbets, cookies and turnovers, though the star of the show is the handmade frozen custard, a thicker, though not-really-more-fattening form of ice cream. Owned by Wisconsin native Liz Davis, The Dairy Godmother offers both chocolate and vanilla custards, plus a flavor of the day. Her imagination with custard is boundless, and you're likely to find her cranking out a traditional Mint Chocolate Chip as you are to try a Lemon/Blueberry mix or the exotic flavors of India in her cardamom and almond Khulfi. Fortunately, she keeps the shop's website flavor-of-the-day calendar updated, though I'd like to see her expand that to include her delicious sorbets. Also, treat your dogs to frozen Puppy Pops or to treats shaped like squirrels.

St. Elmo's is celebrating their 10th anniversary, and the lively crowd of locals, shoppers scouring Mt. Vernon Avenue, and a varying array of local musicians give this place a fun, tangible energy. While folks who are content to be buried in the throes of the Sunday Post and iPods are certainly welcome, it's a great place to learn the scoop on local restaurants, real estate, politicians, etc... In many ways, this might as well be the Del Ray community hall, the subject of a fine, albeit over-caffeinated, Norman Rockwell painting. St. Elmo's has a fine selection of coffees and teas, large muffins, sandwiches and small snacks. Their White Chocolate Mocha uses their own brew mixed with Ghiradelli's white chocolate, and should come with a warning label not to handle explosives or large machinery afterwards.

The sign said "Chocolate Covered Peaches," and pointed down the street to a new chocolate-centric sweetery. Artfully Chocolate is the new kid on the block, and makes a strong case for devastating your diet, artfully. Open for just a little over a month, the shop is located around the corner from The Dairy Godmother and St. Elmo's, and features a wide assortment of novelties, fudge, truffles and licorices. The fudge is richer than a Saudi oil baron, and the trays of chocolate-dipped cookies are enough to make Dr. Atkins roll over in his protein-rich grave.

The bold tile mosaics, acrylics on mylar, and 3-D pieces at Artfully Chocolate are the works of owner Eric Nelson. So, it's not just a chocolate store, but an art gallery with caramels. While I'm not qualified to be an art critic, his tile-and-mesh mosaic of Marylin Monroe in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" mixes skill and whimsy. In an eclectic, artsy neighborhood, Artfully Chocolate stands out as being even more artsy and eclectic.

If Del Ray hasn't thrown you into a sugar coma yet, walk another block down on Mt. Vernon street and visit The Sundae Times. This is a good old-fashioned ice cream stand, and the banana splits are the size of a small whaling vessel. While the flavors aren't as exotic as The Dairy Godmother's, its traditional ice creams made by Gifford's of Rockville are wonderful, and the wider variety of flavors are handy, especially on those occasions where TGM's FoTD is not your bag, baby.

Coming up in Part Two, a look at the Cheesetique, Caboose Bakery and Cafe, Fireflies and others...

Holy crap! Kangaroo! Finally! .!!

It's juicy and delicious! It's environmentally sound and low in calories! Yes, to everyone who wanted to know where to buy Kangaroo when we ran the initial article a couple months ago, your entreaties have been heard!

I swear I searched for hours with no luck, when apparently all I should have done was try the simplest URL I could think of. The aptly-named Exotic Meats store (www.exoticmeats.com) have all the Kangaroo muscle protein you desire. As long as what you desire are patties and sausages.

Now, granted, those may indeed be two of the best ways to experience these bouncy marsupials, but if you were hoping for a long-legged steak, you're still out of luck. In which case, allow me to suggest some antelope, elk, caribou, or rattlesnake- all of which can be provided here. Hey, is that an alligator/crocodile sampler? Well, I didn't want to pay rent this month anyway.

It looks like shipping to DC is expensive but it could be worse- I say group up with some friends and place one large order, then split the shipping costs. Don't have any friends? Buy some.

Update: Between the time I wrote this and the time I'm posting it, they just started offering Kangaroo Striploin, which I think is a lovely, delicate, and most importantly, un-ground muscle (someone correct me?). So now you really don’t have any excuse.

Rice you can drink

Such precious first memories: the first class of 7th grade, the first guy you turned down, the first time you heard the White Stripes. If you're young enough, they may have all happened within the same hour. And yet, all these pale in comparison to the first time you drink Roasted Rice Tea.

Ooooh that toasty nuttiness. That sweet starchiness. That warm, brown aroma of chestnuts and smoke. It's possible that this is the most perfect of liquids.

But first, the evidence. The Japanese word Genmaicha technically translates as Popcorn Tea and I don’t know why. It's definitely made out of green tea (bancha) combined with roasted rice grains (genmai) ...maybe they were being poetic? It's lower in caffeine, and of course, it tastes awesome.
I get mine at Oriental Supermarket on the Rockville Pike where they have a four or five different brands. As I type, I am sucking down Yamamotoyama's lovely version, but all of them are delectable.

But for those of you unwilling to spend the $1.75 for a box, here's what to do:

Roasted rice green tea
Put 2 tablespoons of basmati rice in a small, cast-iron skillet and set over a low flame. Stir them until they turn patchy-dark and give out a nice roasted aroma. Don't burn 'em no matter how cool that would be!

Put the kernels into a small pot. Add 4 cups boiling water and two teaspoons of good quality green tea- two teabags work too. Simmer for 1 minute. Cover, and turn off the heat. Let the tea steep for 3 minutes, then scoop the liquid off. Or strain- whatever floats your thing.

Natalia's Elegant Creations

Ok, I'll admit it. My standard response to anyone recommending Cakelove for anything other than an eclair is "have you tried Natalia's Elegant Creations?" And yes, I know...some of you like the Cakelove cupcakes. Well, maybe those of you that haven't - as I have - been spoiled by NYC cupcakes from places like Magnolia and Buttercup. I haven’t tried Natalia’s cupcakes yet, but if they are the same quality as her cakes, they should be quite good.

Natalia does not have a storefront, but her cakes, bars, cookies, and cupcakes are available at Dean & DeLuca in Georgetown. She can be reached through her website, or phoned at (571) 239-0256.

I was lucky enough to try Natalia's desserts last summer, when she was selling at the Clarendon Farmer's Market...until a positive article about her - made from scratch, European-style - baked goods appeared in the Washington Post food section. At that point, she was just too busy to shlep to farmer's markets.

You can order directly from Natalia, and have her deliver to you for a fee, which is $7 for Arlington and Falls Church, and $7-12 for DC, and Fairfax and Montgomery counties. By ordering direct, you can request custom orders, and order from her catalog, including gluten-free or nut-free items.

Natalia is currently looking for a location for a storefront. I hope that works out for her.

Dean & DeLuca
3276 M St. NW
202-342-2500

From West Marin To The World

One of the best things about having gone to culinary school in San Francisco is that there really is no other place in this country where everything comes so neatly together. There are three world-class wine regions within an hour's drive, there are all sorts of fresh seafood (both fin and shell fish) coming in from the Pacific ocean and the San Francisco bay, and best of all, California has all sorts of farmers' markets where local farmers will sell their wares. Even the local 7-11 carries varieties of food and wine that you have to go to Dean & Deluca to get here.

While I was out there, I indulged in the guilty pleasure of practically every other chef in town: cheese. For most of us, Whole Foods served as our local dealer (really, it is very similar to crack cocaine, you give the guy behind the counter a ten-spot, and he gives you a "rock" of the latest and greatest cheese they have). It was at a local market that I became aware of one of the best cheese-makers in the Bay area: Cowgirl Creamery. Founded by two women that were no strangers to the culinary world, Cowgirl Creamery quickly gained a very good reputation for turning out some of the tastiest cheeses around, simply by being extremely fussy over the ingredients they chose to use.

In addition to a very tasty creme fraiche, the folks at cowgirl creamery make a very addictive cottage cheese (we're not talking Breakstone's here), and a classic fromage blanc to round out their fresh cheeses. As for their aged cheeses, I like the Mount Tam (named for Mt. Tamalpais in the north bay), and the St. Pat, which is their seasonal spring cheese, wrapped in stinging nettle leaves (the leaves are washed and frozen first to remove the sting), which impart a smoky artichoke flavour. Their Pierce Point cheese, which is only produced in the fall and winter, is washed in a muscato wine, and rolled in dried herbs from the Tomales bay coastal region, which produces a complex yet not overpowering cheese.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is because the women that founded Cowgirl Creamery are originally from this area, and they have just opened a store in the Penn Quarter of the district (right down the street from the newly renovated Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery). In addition to cheese, their store here also sells charcuterie (cured meats, among other things), local breads, and wines. Check it out!

Cowgirl Creamery
919 F Street NW
Washington, DC 20004
(202) 393-6880

The Ballston Farmer's Market Report

The Ballston Farmer’s Market debuted last summer, and only had a few vendors. This year, the market is back with many more vendors. The market is open Fridays 11am until 3pm, through October 13. It is interesting that this particular market does not have many produce vendors.

Sunnyside Farms sells organic produce, apple cider, and flowers.

I am very impressed with Firefly Farms goat cheeses. They are some of the best I’ve had, and all of Firefly Farms cheeses have won awards. Besides the cheeses listed here, they also brought two spreadable cheeses today. One is sweet and has ginger, almond, and honey, and the other is savory, and has sun dried tomato, herbs de Provence, and roasted garlic. Check here for a list of stores and restaurants that carry or use their products.

Baguette Republic of Falls Church is also present, and a good selection of hearty breads. They also sell at the Clarendon Farmer's Market.

I have been eyeing Virginia Lamb’s stand, but have not yet purchased their products.

I have tried Old Pioneer’s Kitchen’s Argentine Chorizo, and chimichurri sauce. Both were good, although unlike theirs, the Argentine-style sausages I am used do not contain both pork and beef. I hear that their Mexican chorizo is good as well.

Arondo of Hondo Coffee owns a plantation in Honduras, and roasts the beans in Stafford, Va. They sell several roasts, and the coffee is quite good. And, the coffee smells so good.

Dick’s Kitchen makes and sells various sauces, jellies, seasonings, and chutneys. His “Oh My God, Oh My God” hot sauce was sampled at a gathering of DCFUD writers. I believe that DCFUD's editor has promised an article about that particular hot sauce tasting. :)

Great Harvest Bread Company in Alexandria is at this market as well. I have a friend that loves their biscotti.

Virginia Green Grocer and Grace’s Pastries are present as well, although I have not tried their products.

The market also has live music at noon, and cooking demonstrations from area restaurants at 1:30 pm. Today, 1 Gen Thai Cuisine (a new Ballston restaurant) demonstrated several dishes. They made chicken satays, fried rice, and somethign similar to a vietnamese summer roll. Willow has already demonstrated dishes on two occasions, and Sangam Restaurant was featured last week.

And…I saved the best for last…many of these vendors provide samples. Firefly Farms, Baguette Republic, Grace’s Pastries, Hondo Coffee, and Great Harvest Bread Company have samples on their tables. Dick’s Kitchen has samples of some products, but you have to ask for them. And, you get to sample the dishes that are featured during the cooking demonstrations.

A good idea or horrible mistake?

As part of my weeklong desire to drink away the heat, I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Virginia ABC store. I've never been in a government-run liquor store before, and was interested to compare this place to private-run stores in my hometown in Maryland. The VABC store had all the staples of liver-crushing goodness - fine aged tequilas, dark spicy rums, flavored vodkas - and the low-end ten gallon plastic drum-sized gins and whiskeys. It was a good mix of high-end taste and low-end value. A couple of their prices seemed a bit high - Sauza and Jose Cuervo tequilas seemed about 10 to 25% more expensive than Maryland and DC - but they had some good specials and discounts to bring it back to par.

What really caught my eye was Voyant Chai Creme Liqueur, a relatively new entry in the market. The website describes it as:

Aged Virgin Island Rum, Fresh Dutch Cream, Black Tea from India, Premium Spirits from Holland and a Distinctive Blend of Spices from Asia give Voyant Chai Cream Liqueur the Rich, Creamy Smoothness that you should expect from a Premium Liqueur.

Other than an Annoying Habit of Randomly Capitalizing Letters incorrectly in a Sentence for No Reason, the stuff sounds prettty good. In three hours, give or take, I will be partaking of this new beverage. The Voyant website offers some recipes, a few of which sound pretty interesting, but definitely a little heavy on thicker liqueuers and milk. The stuff sounds perfect for a cold winter day; in fact, I can already picture using this in a rum & coffee mixture to keep warm at football games and ski lodges. Has anybody tried this stuff, and have some tips to share?

I'll do some experimenting tonight...all in the name of research and service to you, dear readers. Behold the effort...nay...the sacrifices I make for you.

***UPDATE*** July 20, 2006 - So, Voyant is pretty good. It tastes just like chai, but with a bit more fun. Think of a spicy Bailey's Irish Cream. It's sweet, and has the look and feel of those hazelnut coffee creamers. The aftertaste of ginger and black tea is awfully pleasing. I initially drank a small snifter of the liqueur, and then began mixing it with other alcohols. I made a simple vodka martini using 1 oz of the Voyant, 3 oz of Skyy vodka, and that was good. Using vanilla vodka made it a bit too sweet for my taste, but I could imagine that replacing the Appletini as a sweet introduction to the world of vodka martinis. Perhaps a 1/2 vanilla vodka, 1/2 Voyant shot could be called "The Ginger Snap." It mixes well with coffee and milk, as I guessed it would.

As for desserts, I could see it punching up anything from an apple pie to a bowl of oatmeal. I've got an ice cream maker that's begging to be used, and a chai ice cream might not stink. However, that will take a backseat as my first dessert with this stuff will be a tiramisu-like concoction, substituting the typical espresso-soaked lady fingers for a dip in alcoholic chai. If it's good, I'll post the recipe. If it's not, well...you're best off not knowing!

A Wegman's on the Blue Line?

Courtesy of the fine Washington Post, this article about upscale development in Prince George's County, Maryland, contains good news for all foodies in the District, Annapolis and Alexandria.

In May, the county signed a deal with the high-end Wegmans Food Markets to anchor the Woodmore Towne Centre in Landover, a billion-dollar project that will include homes and more than 750,000 square feet of shopping space and is expected to open in summer 2008.

This would be the closest Wegman's to DC and a short distance from the Largo Town Center Metro stop. Currently, there are two Wegman's in Northern Virginia, one in Fairfax and the other near Dulles. A lease has been signed for a Wegman's in Gambrills, in Anne Arundel County, but with no firm opening date. The newest Wegman's in the region is in Baltimore County's Hunt Valley. When it opened in 2005, people were actually camped outside of it to be the first inside, like a campout for U2 tickets!

Why such excitement? Would only bored suburbanites go bonkers over a bloody grocery store? Hardly. Wegman's is a New York-based chain of megamarkets that caters to people who truly love their food. They have all the trappings of a regular market - bonus club cards, bulk food section, shopping carts - but they do it in a store about the size of a Smithsonian, with a friendly, knowledgeable staff. With all that space, they have the room to include pretty much anything you need for a gourmet meal made from scratch, or made by real chefs that can easily be passed off as your own. A fantastic butcher shop, fresh seafood, a great wine selection (Virginia stores only, at this point), a jaw-dropping prepared food section, deli, a cafe', coffee shop, pizza parlor, pasta bar, olive bar, sushi bar, kitchen equipment, stemware, bakery, cheese shop, organic market, regional and international food sections, cooking classes, and a produce area that could inspire poetry...PLUS they have a little choo-choo train that runs around the dairy section. This ain't your grandma's supermarket, unless your granny was Julia Child.

My alter-ego, the Five Paragraph Bitter Food Critic, will be doing reviews of the major chain markets in the area, plus some of the neighborhood markets and speciality stores. Without giving away too much from the reviews, the FPBFC is a big fan of Wegman's, and will be a bigger fan of one that's Metro-accessible.

Uncle Brutha’s Hotsauce Emporium

I recently happened upon Uncle Brutha’s Hotsauce Emporium near Eastern Market, and had a conversation with the proprietor, Brennan Proctor. Brennan was a production sound engineer for many major music videos between 1999-2003. He originally began formulating his sauce for use on hot wings. He would bring the wings to potlucks and to work. His clients started asking for the sauces. Eventually they would ask for them by the case, and he started getting new clients with the understanding that he would bring them hot sauce. Brennan perfected his sauces and won twenty awards between the two sauces.

I brought both of Brennan’s sauces, the red and the green to a meeting of DCfud writers, and the sauces were a big hit. There wasn’t an onion ring or burger at our table at Brickskellar that wasn’t covered in hot sauce, and our beloved editor actually drank some straight from the bottle. The green was the favorite with 1/2 a bottle consumed, while the red had 1/3 of a bottle consumed. The green sauce is thicker, so pours slower, leading me to believe that if the consistencies had been the same that even more of the green sauce would have been consumed. You can taste both sauces as well as the other hot sauces that Brennan sells at the hot sauce tasting bar at the store.

The green sauce is made with serrano chilies, and flavored with ginger and garlic, and is tasty without being very hot. The red is a little hotter and is made with 4 kinds of chilies. For the red sauce, habanero, red and green jalapenos, and serrano are used. I like both sauces.

Some other hot sauces that are sold at the store include “Crazy Mother Pucker’s”, “Pain is Good”, “Dave’s, Mama Africa’s” (from South Africa), “Susie’s” (from St. John), and “Marie Sharp’s” (from Belize.) There are also some with politically inspired names, like “Monica Lewinsky Sauce”, “Where’s the WMD’s?”, “Weapons of Ass Destruction”, “Saddam Insane”, and “Bomb Ladin.” There are some sauces referencing various parts of the anatomy including “Colon Cleaner”, “Ass Blaster”, “Red Rectum”, “Bayou Pecker Power”, and “Liquid Lava, It Will Pucker Your Pecker.”

Uncle Brutha’s also carries BBQ sauces, marinades, dry rubs, spices, and condiments, and is in its third month of operation. Their own 2 sauces are also available in area Wholefoods.

Uncle Brutha's Hot Sauce Emporium
323 7th Street SE
Washington, DC 20003
Hours: T-Th 10-7, Fri. 10-8, Sat. 9-7, Sun 10-5
Closed Monday
(202) 546-FIRE

Suburban goodness

Local produce! Fresh humus! Specialty meat! Crazy nuts! I don't mean Whole Foods, or even Superfresh, I'm talking about Grosvenor Market. No, stop, I'm actually serous. I know it's in the basement of an apartment complex. I know it sounds like a glorified convenience store, and I know it's way out in suburbia, but this place rocks!

Where else are you going to get all-natural dry aged beef on a moment's notice? Or Apples from a local orchard? Or those great honey-sesame candy things you're addicted to? The front of this tiny hole-in-the-wall is decorated with the various prizes they've won for organic food, happy service, etc. etc. etc. And they also have a Notary Public - I mean, what else can you possibly ask for?

To get there, exit the Grosvenor metro and take a right down the escalator, follow the path that goes to the right of the little landscaped stream through the big scary suburban apt buildings. Past the kiddie pool. Stop laughing! This place rocks, I mean it!

CakeLove, continued

This guest blog is by Erin over at at The Kitchenette

Warren Brown, founder of CakeLove, has an expanding bakery chain, a Food Network series and a cupboard filling fast with features from People Magazine, Oprah, and an array of dazzled national media elites. For this litigator-turned-boutique baker, the sky's the limit. But right here at home, CakeLove has left some customers dissatisfied. Too dry. Not fluffy enough. Overpriced. Overrated. Many of the DC bloggers are not fans, and CakeLove knows it.

Head baker Mary Meyers sends The Kitchenette a message to the food blogosphere with a recipe for a lovelier CakeLove experience: http://thekitchenette.blogspot.com/2005/10/message-from-cakelove.html

The �bermarket

An instructive way of comparing supermarkets is to compare them to cars: especially around the Washington area, there are a variety of brand names, sizes and price points from which to choose.

For example, when I need the basics and nothing more, I go to the Soviet Safeway on 17th and Corcoran in Dupont Circle. The Soviet is like a late-model Honda Civic you keep around for small errands or to pass on for use as a teenager's first car. It doesn't have many features, occasionally has annoying quirks and doesn't exactly drive like a dream, but it's functional most of the time and a step up from your old scooter (the corner store).

The Whole Foods in Logan Circle is like a fully loaded top-of-the-line Volvo: safe, expensive and oriented to boring upper-middle class living. Many people would be more inclined to shop at Whole Foods more often if they were cheaper and they got over themselves and sold Coke and Pepsi products.

Trader Joe's is the Volkswagen Jetta of the supermarket world. Youth-oriented, sporty, friendly and occasionally adventurous, it goes well with catchy indie tunes and spontaneous picnics.

The Wegmans in Sterling, Va. is way beyond the sedan class. It�s a tricked-out Cadillac Escalade with the full leather package, nitro boosters, 22-inch rims and LCD screens in the seatbacks. If Xzibit was a foodie, this is how he'd pimp his ride.

The main entrance of this Loudoun County monster leads to a prepared foods area about twice the size of the large-ish steam table joint I used to frequent when I worked in the Judiciary Square/Union Station area. Sandwiches, pizza, sushi, pasta: you name it, they have it ready to consume. Although Wegman�s position in the sad, sad tangle of copycat housing and uncrossable intersections that is the outer NoVa burbs makes it a less-than-ideal spot to grab lunch, you�ll want to carbo load before seeing the rest of the store.

So where exactly is the Metro that goes here?

Next come the packaged meats, cheeses and baked goods. This section alone is about the same size as the Soviet Safeway, allowing for far, far wider aisles in which you can actually pass other shoppers with carts. The size of the section, a sad little corner even in the larger Social Safeway, emphasizes the sheer size of the place, like a powerboat on a retractable arm hanging off the back of a luxury yacht.

Next come the wine and luxury goods. Unlike the District�s mostly pathetic Safeways and Giants, you can buy beer and wine in Virginia supermarkets. It�s a genuinely redeeming feature of the state, but not nearly enough to make up for the �droopy drawers� bill of the last legislative session. There are wines on shelves like at Whole Foods, but there are also wines in a special room off the general sales floor, perhaps too expensive to expose to supermarket shoplifters.

Around here, you�ll find the olive bar. This photo is a bit blurry, but those are all olives.

The thoroughness of the olive bar is repeated throughout the rest of the supermarket. While even the larger suburban Giants have a few cheap-o pots and pans Wegmans has a selection that rivals that of Bed, Bath and Beyond. While the Soviet devotes one half of one side of an aisle to pasta and sauce, Wegman�s has two aisles, including the brand of fresh-ish gnocchi I love but can�t find reliably.

I could go on and on about the variety of brands of everything from ice cream (see left) to root beer to soup, but much more would be redundant. Wegmans is bigger than the college gymnasium down the block that my high school borrows each year for the biggest basketball game of the season.

Just like Wegmans, I don't know if this represents all that is good or bad with America.

Of special interest is the ethnic foods department. While some Adobo seasoning and a few jars of gefilte fish and biryani paste are all you�ll find outside of a genuine ethinic market in D.C., I was able to find the preferred brand of guarana cola, the right flavor of Japanese gum, the best Israeli couscous and my Croatian seasoning of choice. Wegmans� ethnic section devotes as much space to each country as the larger Safeways devote to everything foreign.

But there are drawbacks. Prices are reasonable, but the time you have to spend to get through all of it is not. Just like the monstrous SUVs that fill the parking lot, most people will not need the full Wegmans treatment more than once or twice a year for the hardest-to-find items, Otherwise, just like the Escalade, it�s a waste of gas.

German nostalgia

It�s a terrible thing to be pulled away from your native homeland at a tender age and thrust into a cruel and unfamiliar culture. I don�t actually know anyone that this has happened to, but I do know the pain of being denied chocolate, which is probably just as bad.

Luckily, there is a store near McPhearson square made to cater to both me and my fellow sufferers. Weeping for German, Hungarian, Latvian, Norwegian, Canadian, Swedish, Danish, Dutch, Swiss, or Finnish? The German Deli and its associated Mozart Caf� contains a deli, grocery store, desert counter and restaurant all in one.

Here you will find pork schnitzel, spaetzle, sauerbraten, hasenpfeffer, linzertorte, choclate cakes, and those awesome ginger cookie things dipped in chocolate you can only seem to find at German or Swiss places. There is a whole wall covered in oddly-shaped marzipan and euro-style Kinder Chocolate to soothe both pains at once. Oh, and more chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

German Deli, 1331 H St

Oriental Supermarket: Truth in Advertising

The Supergiant Asian grocery stores of Rockville, sized to put a Superfresh to shame, are an absolute playground. But if you�re looking for something a little closer, I highly suggest Oriental Supermarket at the 891 F Rockville Pike.

A nice medium sized market that claims to offer supplies for Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Phillipino, and Thai cooking, this place has a pretty decent selection of the basics in one small place.

A wall of freezer cases have homemade dumplings, pork buns, giant frozen fish, and other Asiania (I just made that word up). For a store of its size, it has a great selection of teas, prepackaged sauces, hard to find ingredients, candy (my favorite lychee jelly things) and some of the cheapest, nicest, veggies around.

A deli counter offers premade duck and othe meat and tofu dishes. And of course, it offers bubble tea supplies. Who doesn�t dig bubble tea. For the first few sips.

Political tea

Trying to get the bitter taste of our new McCarthy-esque political climate out of your head? If you don�t have cyanide around, I suggest the delicious combination of super-sweet liquid with a dollop of cream that is Thai iced tea.

'But zaf! You say, 'I'm just a pawn of the lip-service moralism of the current administration� and incidentally I also don�t know how to make Thai iced tea!' Well don�t you worry- my vote may not count but I can still teach you how to make the sweet, sweet, oblivion that is this popular fountain soda equivalent.

To a pot of boiling water, add to taste:

• Two Chinese star anise, ground (optional)
• A teaspoon orange flowers�I actually leave this out and substitute cardamom instead
• A teaspoon vanilla
• 1 pinch cloves
• 1 pinch chopped cinnamon
• A handful of long cut China black tea leaves
• At least half a cup of sugar

Steep until lukewarm, strain, pour over ice, top with half and half.

But what if the crushingly low value of the dollar means you can't buy any of the ingredients listed above? I suggest DeDe's Instant Thai Tea- forgetfulness in a packet form. I know you can get it at the Laurel Safeway�probably a whole bunch of other places too but I'm too depressed by the state of the union address to look them up.

Baltimore is for Italians

On the east coast there is the joke, if you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and it will change. In Baltimore, if you don't like the neighborhood, go five blocks and it will change. And as with all good urban villages, each village has its distinctive restaurants. There is Greek-town with its Greek restaurants, Inner Harbor with its tourist meccas like the Cheesecake Factory, ESPN Zone, and the Hard Rock Caf�, and Little Italy, with its plethora of Italian cafes.

Little Italy is crammed between Inner Harbor and Fells Point, near the waterfront. It is about 8 square blocks chocked-full of Italian restaurants and, presumable, Italians. I have eaten at most of the restaurants of Little Italy in my quest for satisfying food, and have met with many nights of disappointment at the soggy calamari, and the over-priced menus. However, two beacons of hope still shine.

The first is Amicci's, located at 231 South High Street. This is not only one of the cheapest Italian restaurants in the area, but also, in my mind, the best. The food is generally filling (plan on taking some home with you) and hearty, but still light and enjoyable. The tomato and mottzerella appetizer features rich, delicious mozzarella cheese, the calamari (plan on sharing this with someone as it is huge) comes light, crisp, with minimal breading and an excellent marina sauce. Main courses of note include the eggplant Parmesan, made with silky eggplant, crusty breading and lots of cheese, the pasta amicci, pasta with peppers, mushroom, Italian sausage, and other interesting bits, and the gnocchi, which is light and airy in a pleasant pesto or cheesy marinara sauce. Be prepared however, to wait a bit for a table.

However, Amicci's does not serve dessert. So, if you are still mobile, go one block over to Vaccaro's. Some of you may know Vaccaro's from its outpost in Union Station; however, the one in Little Italy is the original. The menu consists purely of dessert beverages including various types of coffee and liquors, and Italian desserts; everything from cannolis to gelato, granita, tiramisu, sfogliatelli, etc. The servings are generally large, the quality is excellent, and the wait is long. Specific items of interest include the granites, which are fat-free, the wide variety of gelato, and the colloseos, which are enormous sundaes on a Belgian waffle. Additionally, on Monday nights, you can order an all-you-can-eat option. Should you try this, come very hungry, as the servings are enormous and you cannot order the next dish until you have eaten at least half of current one (note: you can order half-dishes for some of the larger items). At the front of the restaurant is also a take-away counter. For more information about Vaccaro's visit http://www.vaccarospastry.com

Shopping in the 'Burbs

So, since everyone posting seems so gosh-darn set on writing about food in Baltimore, Little Rock, and Rockville* (to name just a random sampling of recent posts), I guess a post about a shopping trip to the suburbs isn't so out of place.

As background: I recently tried to go shopping at the awesome Indian Spice and Gifts on Pollard Street (halfway between the GMU metro stop and Ballston on the Orange Line for fellow metro-ers) but it was sadly closed for renovation. So to soothe my ruffled foodie-soul I took a quick hop, skip, and jump over to the Giant there (I will admit that there was a brief perusal of the Arlington Main Library along the way**). Keep in mind that I ordinarily shop at my local ghetto rip-off Safeway in the city. It turns out that there is produce in the world! I grabbed a quick bag and then rushed home to impart the realization that there really are better grocery alternatives within (albeit far away) Metro access.

I planned the next weekend feverishly. We would go to Harris Teeter at Pentagon City and drop off a camera with a friend who had left it at our New Years Party. I like killing multiple avians with one basaltic nodule.

We broke out the granny cart and got ourselves there with no problem. The aisles were wonderfully large, the produce divine. We picked up 10 habaneros for the jerk chicken I made this evening (good ole Irma S. doesn't shy away from the spice despite her Germanness) with no trouble. There were multiple brands of organic peanutbutter to choose from! All was bliss.

We headed out the door, full cart in tow. We negotiated the "no pedestrian zone" with aplomb. We snagged the elevator to the metro-level of the mall just as a stroller-wielding young mother came out. We drove through the mall with the granny-cart and garnered not a couple of perplexed gazes. We took another elevator to the farecard-reader level. Then we took a new (urine-scented) elevator to the tracks. Then we took it back up, and switched to the elevator on the correct side of the tracks.

Here's where tactics come into the story. As those of you who Metro on a regular basis know, there are very few chances in DC to determine your own route. Either the train goes there or it doesn't, and there's usually only one line that will do so. However, from Pentagon City to Eastern Market you can either take the Yellow Line to L'Enfant and transfer to the Blue Line, or just ride the Blue straight. The drawback to the former is obviously the transfer, but the latter is six stops longer. It's generally much faster to take the transfer. So we did, cart in tow.

It turns out that to transfer at L'Enfant being good metro-citizens and not taking the cart on the escaltors takes not one, not two, but three elevators. This is not even mentioning the narrow hard-to-manuver paths which those wheel-challenged are channeled through. So we gave up two-thirds of the way through and attempted to drag the cart on the final escaltor. Bad move. But that's another story, and happily no one is permanently injured.

Final thoughts: It was sobering to experience in any small way what transfering in Metro is like when you're mobility challenged.
Grocery stores really are bigger in the 'burbs.
Granny carts suck.

*Yes, I meant to use the serial comma there. Also known as the Oxford Comma (primarily in the UK, for obvious reasons) it is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Actually either way is fine in my book, but for heaven's sake be consistent!

**As a DC resident you are entitled to library cards not only in the DC system, but also in Fairfax, Montgomery County, and Arlington. As a US citizen you are entitled to a card at the Library of Congress.

Discount Doughnuts

Every store has its discounters. Estee Lauder has the Roanoke Warehouse where respectable matriarchs scrabble in huge metal bins for last years lipsticks. Saks Fifth Avenue has the Woodbury Commons outlet hidden in a small New York City suburb. Filenes has Filenes�s Basement. And apparently, answering a need we never knew we had, Entenmann's has the Entenmanns Bakery in at 1327 Rockville Pike, MD.

For shear horrifying Carbs, this �bakery�, a repository for slightly imperfect ENTENMANN'S baked goods is well worth the pilgrimage. The chocolate doughnut with smeared fudge. The Devils Crumb cake without enough crumbs. The Cream Filled Chocolate Cake with a spot of icing missing. They all end up here in huge cardboard boxes stacked, depending on the time of week, sometimes 15 high.

The products are a little hit and miss- Here�s a giant pile of low carb cookies, here�s four overflowing shelves of malformed chocolate doughnut holes covered in sprinkles. Here�s an entire empty wall awaiting tomorrows bread and pizza crust shipment with a single loaf of 5 grain bread crying all alone.

The prices are accordingly low- a loaf of bread, chocolate cake, doughnut holes, and package of pitas came to about $4. This place truly has the market cornered in preservative-laced, low quality squish. Joy!

Comte Gris Lavande

While it is certainly no substitute for coffee - I too need my morning (and late morning, and afternoon, and late afternoon, and evening ...) jolt - tea is a wonderful thing. So, I was really thrilled when Travis pointed me to a Minneapolis outfit called, with delicious pretense, La Soci�t� du Th�. Also on his recommendation, I ordered the Comte Gris Lavande, or Earl Grey with Lavender.

I drink regular Earl Grey all the time; it's one of my favorites. Soon, my order arrived, the box itself smelled so fantastic that people at my office kept asking what was inside. I took it home, and greedily opened it, to find a fantastically aromatic black sachet of tea.

For as aromatic as the bag was, the leaves inside were more so. I put on my kettle (filled with filtered water, of course!), and waited for the boil, heaping the gorgeous-smelling leaved into my teapot. The kettle wails.

I pour.

I wait.

I wait.

Three-to-five minutes.

I choose four.

I pour, and the tea itself has a lovely odor similar to the teas. The leaves have a powerful aroma, but the tea is subtler. Like the bergamot flavoring all earl greys, lavender is astringent, a bit sharp, and clean tasting. To separate the two on the palette is difficult, but not impossible - and they compliment each other gloriously. Lavender is the dominant flavor, with the bergamot adding its
citrusy hue beneath - almost as if this is a traditional th� lavande, with bergamot added as an afterthought.

I usually drink my earl grey with cream, but I worried about ruining this beautiful infusion with that - with no reason, a splash of half-and-half smoothed the
pique of the lavender, creating a lush, even flavor.

I am so hooked.

La Soci�t� du Th�, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Multiplying Bergers

Recently, I wrote an ode to Breger cookies on this blog. I am now proud (and just a little smug) to report a berger sighting in Roanoke, Va, over 5 hours from the Berger Source, Baltimore. The Berger sighting was in a little specialty store miles from the West Virginia border called Tinnell's Finer Foods. When the storeowner was asked to explain the Berger presence, he said he has a relative in Baltimore who introduced him to the cookie, and he has been importing them ever since!

Get Your Mortar Running

I don't know how I cooked before I got my first mortar and pestle set. I mean, really cooked. Crushed freshly-toasted sesame seeds to make a stir-fry, or ground mustard, cardamom, and black pepper for another attempted Indian curry, or pulverized cilantro for salsa. When you crush ingredients this way, their oils are released and combined to a degree that can't be accomplished using a food processor--not exactly. Home-ground spices are fresher and, not surprisingly, often more potent than their store-bought, pre-ground counterparts. I'd go so far as to say the act of crushing and grinding the food components has a kind of soothing, therapeutic effect.

While wooden and metal sets are available, my preference is for the marble ones, due to their durability and resistance to odors and stains. You can choose from among a variety of sizes and materials at Sur le Table and Williams-Sonoma, and if you feel like sparring with other bargain hunters, you might luck out in the cutthroat treasure hunt that is the T.J. Maxx housewares section (I recently scored a decent 5" set there for $7.99).

A tale of two Sakes

Pardon her headline but z�s brain is beating on the insides of her skull with the empty remains of a Hakutsuru Draft Sake bottle. In terms of taste, this stuff is the equivalent of Sprite mixed with soy milk - watery, vaguely cereal-flavored, deceptively drinkable, and in such a cute little bottle that you might miss the 15% alcohol content printed on it.

Do not repeat Z�s mistake- if you are searching for a nontraditional form of sake that wont leave you sobbing on a strange air mattress, head to Uni, A Sushi Place , on 2122 P St. NW during happy hour where you can get sake-tinis for under $5, garnished with cucumber shavings and happiness. Incidentally, if you don�t mind leaving with a vacuum in your wallet, the sushi is tasty and has cool things like mango and mint in it.

If you still don�t believe me or you crave your sake-esqu flavor on the run, the draft stuff can be found at the Connecticut Avenue Liquors just above Dupont circle. It�s hiding coquettishly behind the bigger bottles on the bottom shelf, across from the cashier. Handle with care.

Berger Goodness

Baltimore is not known as a food capital. Its culinary offerings fail to rank with those of Paris, Rome, and London. However, there is one delight unique to Charm City (Baltimore), the Berger. The Berger, for those unaware, is a cookie, though calling it such is like referring to Monet as a painter, or Moby Dick a book. The term defines it, but fails to fully explain the sheer brilliance of the item. A Berger (for it is indeed worthy of the capital letter) has a cake-like, vanilla bottom, somewhat more moist then a Pepridge Farm cookie and somewhat tastier. However, it is the top of the Berger that invokes the eater's fervor. It is a deep, full-bodied chocolate cr�me, a quarter of an inch thick at times, and as rich as a Valrhona dark chocolate truffle or a Napolean Brandy. This cr�me, rich to the point of decadence, embraces the cake-esque bottom like chocolate octopus enveloping its prey.

Baltimoreans who no longer live in Riot City (Baltimore again) ask locals to send them boxes of the local delicacy. Locals devour them by the box. One friend of mine only eats the top bit, while another dunks them in milk. I bring them as thank-you presents when I visit out-of-town relatives, and credit them with having been asked back by said relatives. One can find them all over the City That Reads (still Baltimore) in Giant and Royal Farm. People have informed me they can be acquired in DC, though being a Baltimorean and 10 minutes from a Berger supply, I have never attempted to verify this. However, if one finds oneself in the Greatest City in the World (can you believe this is actually a nickname for Baltimore? Strange but true) the best Berger, indeed the Berger tour de force, can be found in Lexington Market. There freshly-made Bergers can be purchased by the pound. And as you sit outside the market, trying to ignore the crack dealers and phone dealers (Lexington Market is not in the best area), you will bite down on a Berger, your upper teeth penetrating the fresh, soft succulent chocolate and your lower teeth penetrating the cake-like cookie, you will being to feel all the benefits of pure hedonism. Then you will go back in and buy several more pounds.

Berger Cookies | http://www.bergercookies.com/

Eat your vegetables

Salty, dried, powdered vegetables. Appealing though this may sound, a mere semantic description can't do justice to the unbelievable niftiness of Vegeta. It is with burbles of happy joy that I report you can now find this traditional Croatian seasoning at the Wegmans in Sterling, out by Dulles.

Stick this stuff on pretty much anything. Rub it on chickens before roasting them. Pour it on vegetables. Mix it with salad dressing when you feel lazy. Toss it on popcorn. Toss it on your friends. Here's a fast recipe for Vegeta chicken wings:

1. Wash the wings, trim off the thin wingtip piece, and cut the drumette and the wing into two pieces
2. DRY thoroughly with paper towels, I really mean it.
3. Mix say, half a cup of mayo with a couple tablespoons of Vegeta till the mayo is bright yellow, then mix thoroughly with the chicken until well coated
4. Put chicken on a grill pan that has been covered with aluminum oifl,, broil for 5-8 minutes on either side.

For us metro-only types, it's also available online at Malincho.com

Well-designed dinner

Ode to eight Ikea Swedish meatballs sitting on a well-priced-yet-trendy-looking tray

Oh savory balls of meat from Ikea
I'd climb metric shelving-units to see ya
And fight the whole Swedish Navy
To reach your lingonberries and gravy
and the cinnamon buns of your cafeter-ia.

IKEA College Park | 10100 Baltimore Ave College Park, MD 20740 | $5.80/serving